But he thought he wanted more.
Lyrics from Relient K's My Girl's Ex-Boyfriend. This entry is primarily to recount a story from today and directed towards a certain, special someone ;)
So I've been away at All-State Honor Chorus. And I knew that my ex-boyfriend (the one who cheated on me and just...the majority of people who I know read this know the story, for those who don't, well...our two-year relationship ended VERY badly) was also going to be attending this function. Thank heavens we are in different choirs and it took until today to run into him. I was really hoping I would never have to see him (like I said, we ended on very bad terms and I try to avoid him), but I didn't get my wish. As I walked out of the doors from my rehearsal room, I heard from name from a detestable, familiar voice. And I was staring at the boy a few feet ahead of me...who I'd rather see fall off the face of the earth instead of in front of me. But...he had already seen me and I couldn't be rude, it's just not in my character to ignore people. Thus, I had to suck up my pride and my emotions and talk to him.
It was a fairly normal conversation. Just talked about the event and I asked how his voice was (someone had told me he was sick). And then he hugged me. I know, right? Gasp! He hugged me. And a little piece of me died on the inside. Luckily, I found my faux-director-for-the-weekend and made a beeline for him to get away from the ex. There's what happened to me.
Now, the reason for the lyrics and song link. This interaction brought sooo many thoughts and emotions and it was intense. Following is my thoughts from this:
The moment I saw him, my mind and heart was flooded with everything bad he has ever done to me. And that is QUITE an extensive list. Trust me. So, at first I was incredibly pained by it. It hurt to remember everything I went through for him and with him and because of him. But..there is good behind it. As we talked, I felt absolutely nothing towards him except loathing (for hurting me and treating me like scum of the earth because I don't think anybody should be treated that way!!!!).
But from this, something else swelled inside of me. Appreciation and love. For somebody else. Reliving all the crap I went through for somebody...it hit me again what a great man I have now in my life. I'm certain he would never want to hurt me and put me through hell like I've been through already. And I know that he truly loves me for me and wants me to be happy. And my appreciation and respect from him grew just from seeing what I had in my past and being reminded of it. It just showed me even more how great of a guy I have in my life. He's absolutely wonderful!
Oh, I also got a text today. How my darling as upset today from missing me. Well, the thing is that I was (and am) missing him too. But the kicker is that I got that message as we were singing a certain song. This song already brings tears to my eyes from how it makes me think of him. So here is a link to a recording of this song so you may hear it. This video is from the choir of Andre J. Thomas, who was our conductor at this Allstate event. I love this song with a passion. Where Your Barefoot Walks
Much love and hugs,
Sam
:')
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